PAINT PARTY FRIDAY CELEBRATES 11 YEARS!
I created the design on Canva.
Download here: MARCH STATIONARY
“You have stage one; grade three ductal carcinoma and you are HER2 Positive.” After all the scans and tests and endless stress and worry, that’s what she told me and handed me a paper. On that paper was a diagram of a woman, it outlined everything that I was diagnosed with and all the treatments I had to complete to avoid cancer from spreading and coming back. Surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, Herceptin and hormone blocking therapy for five years. She looked at me and said “You will be okay”. I felt numb, hopeless, alone, vulnerable and shocked. This could never happen to me. Why is this happening to me?
From the moment of my diagnosis tears welled up very easily. My mind and body went off the rails. My mind was foggy. The first thing I thought of is, “I don’t want to die. I love life so much. It’s abundant. I love my husband and children so much. I want to spend all my time with them and grow old with them.” The words coming out of her mouth were all muffled and I sat on a chair and felt all alone. It felt like I was having an out of body experience and I was looking in on myself. My body shook and trembled. I wanted to cry so bad but held back. I wanted my mother and couldn’t have her by my side. I needed hope and grasped on to each word that the doctor was saying. “You will be okay” she said and I thought to myself that “she knows these things, right? She’s seen a lot so she must be right.” She scheduled all my scans, blood work and surgery.
I went in for the surgery and I felt so vulnerable. “My life is in these people’s hands” I thought to myself. I felt scared. I usually like control and now I was learning that somethings in life cannot be controlled. I laid down on the bed and warm blankets were placed on me. The nurses and doctors speaking softly and calmly really helped. The anesthesiologist calming and soothingly put me to sleep. I woke up and the lump was gone. It felt good knowing it wasn’t in my body anymore. In the following months I started chemotherapy proceeded by radiation.
I had twenty rounds of radiation on my left breast. Radiation treatments don’t physically hurt at the time of treatments but the side effects start happening a week to two weeks after. The area gets red, swollen and can form blisters. The skin needs cream and hydration three times a day or more. It’s pretty much like getting a bad burn. What radiation does is kills all the cells in the breast but just like chemotherapy the good cells grow back and repair. Everyday my husband whose dedication and love helped me through this entire journey, would drive me to my treatments. For each treatment I felt very vulnerable and emotional during the entire radiation experience. The technicians were very kind and gentle but I felt sensitive and exposed. Even the atmosphere of the treatment centre felt vulnerable, sensitive, delicate and emotional. There is one thing that helped my deep emotional ache and sadness which hung in my heart and chest, my love for my family, my faith and gratitude for life.
This entire experience changed me as a person. I feel I have more faith, gratitude and love for life. I’m grateful for the small moments. The small moments in actuality are so special and beautiful and meaningful. I have slowed down the pace of my life. Even though I’m more emotional and sensitive than before I’m also stronger and more aware. I want to do more and see more in this world. I have a strong thirst to learn and crave new experiences. I want to embrace life with all the good the bad and the ugly because life is a gift.
There are remaining Herceptin treatments, hormone treatments and a yearly mammogram to follow up. My mammogram is scheduled next week and I’m so emotional and scared. I have so many worries and anxieties. Will everything be okay? Will the scans be clear? I can only wait to find out. One day at a time. I can only be fully in the moment and fight with all my strength for my family with faith, love and gratitude.
March Showers
March showers
Melting snow
Branches dancing rhythmically too and fro to the wind
Down below there are puddles
I jump in splashing around
My happy feet are all wet now
Grey skies
My colourful eyes reach up to the sky and feel the droplets glide on my face and lips
Making my frown right side up again.
Excerpt From: Maria Medeiros. “TRUTH.” iBooks.
Happy March!
I'm going to be honest and say I've been on a downward mood.
Winter blues? Not sure but I've made a vision board to help me get out of this slump!
I am working on getting out of this blah feeling and uplifting my body, mind and spirit.
I'm starting with self care rituals and routines. I feel that routines really help keep me on track.
I need more love toward my self and positive talk. Mantras really help. I am placing positive words
around my art space to keep the positive energy going.
Skincare, bathing in essential oils and essential oils in the air really calms and soothes the mind and soul.
Meditation and prayer so important for spiritual healing.
These two years have been so hard that the ripples and side effects are here and I definitely need to detox in every way. Healthy detox smoothies are in the works.
Going to try to start yoga again this month.
More water, more art and calming music.
Going to try and stay off social media and be more productive.
Vision boards really help me. If you like my vision board help your self with it here. You can also change it and make your own. --> VISION BOARD
I am currently trying to stay creative with the #100DayProject and I hope you follow along on Instagram.
I would also like to thank everyone who bought my poetry book.
It's available if you like.
Poetry Book
A new month, a new beginning, new creations, new routines and self care and self love.
I'm trying really hard to change the direction of my mind, body and spirit.
I have four more treatments to do and I look forward to finishing them up by spring.
Have a beautiful rest of the week and I will see you on Friday for Paint Party Friday! I can't wait to show you my new artwork and other things that I've been working on.
Lots of love!
Be kind and gentle to your self.
Dear May We celebrated, cried, got emotional and struggled Thank you for each emotional journey that I endured this month It was so many t...
